I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I look better un-naked...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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