I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
