I want to stick my p in your. b.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize