So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
