the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
