Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
