no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
