one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
