oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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