just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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