those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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