we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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