Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
