I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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