On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize