for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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