he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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