Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
