:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
