East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
