addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
