You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
