I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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