every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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