Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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