Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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