His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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