I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize