So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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