Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
