do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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