Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize