Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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