so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
