i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
