you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
