just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This house was built for laser tag.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
