i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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