He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
