I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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