It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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