My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
