I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
