If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
