Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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