Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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