I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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