ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
