So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We named our party play list daddy issues
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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