so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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