When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
