dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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