I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoofâ€
Randomize
