I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
