Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
