Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize