I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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