ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
