boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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