Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
