All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
