Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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