do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
