I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
