I'm going to jail i love you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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