So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
