I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
