if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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