Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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