omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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