Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
