So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
