apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
