Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
