it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
