apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
