Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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