He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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