Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do herpes really smell.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
