He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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