there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
